yesterday at 2am in the morning i woke up to take my procardia and go pee and noticed some spotting. great. the last thing i wanted to do was go to the hospital at 2am in the morning. it feels like every 2 to 3 days we have to go to the hospital for some reason or another and i'm so over it!! but, it's not about me, it's about this little baby inside me so off to the hospital we went. by the time we got there i was having pretty strong contractions and lower back pain. was it back labor? i think so. once they got the contractions to stop (another dose of procardia) the back pain went away. apparently i'm taking a hefty dose of procardia for my size. the nurses on duty always want to give me 10mg every 6 hrs so i have to make sure they know to give it to me correctly. 20mg every 4 hrs. they are always shocked. but i don't seem to be having any major side effects from it so if the doc wants to give me 40mg every 2hrs i'll do it if it keeps baby from coming. they monitored me for several hours and checked my cervix (no change - whew!) so once it was safe to go they sent us home.
yesterday was a rough day. i think the bedrest is really starting to take its toll on me. i hate to be like this, but i'm having a hard time not being bitter. i think of all the people in the world that get pregnant without trying, have easy pregnancies and healthy babies. why can't i be one of them?? i would love to be able to enjoy this time in my life. i've wanted it for so long. we've been through so much to get here..... but this is my life and i'm thankful for it. enough of this pity party. i hope today is better and that yesterday was just a bad day. besides, looking at the big picture, it's really not that bad. it could be worse. i'd do it all 100 times over if it means that baby will be ok. please God, let my baby be ok.
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4 comments:
I hope you have cake at this pity party....I'm kidding :) IT ISNT A PITY PARTY! It's completely normal to feel the way you do! Isn't is just a series of ups and downs and ups and downs and turns and you just don't know what will happen tomorrow! I know what you mean about bedrest taking its toll, but youd still do it again 100x :) You think laying in a bed would be so easy and people may joke how we will want to be back in the bed when the baby comes, but its harder then what any normal pregnant woman has to do. We are working so hard for the safety of our babies lives and that alone makes our situations so worth every hour laying here. I'm so sorry you have to go back and forth to the hospital though- you must be so tired of it and no words can fix that. So I have none for you- just a 'I know how you feel' for the most part. We are at the same stage in pregnancy and there isn't much farther to go yet at the same time there is. Stay as strong as you have been. Let the rollercoaster ride be the spice of your life for the time being- life will get so much better when we get off! I know once everything passes and our babies are here and healthy that we will both say "That wasn't so bad...let's try for #2" :)
Sending hugs. How scary to see spotting. I am so glad that they were able to stop the contractions and send you home.
I was a bed rester for 8 weeks with my twins. (They were born at 28 weeks in Oct.) I know that feeling of being cheated out of the one thing you wanted so badly.
It sucks.
I'm sorry that you had another trip to the hospital :o(.
I'm not sure what good of company I make... but I'll do my best! I'm glad to have found your blog, it's full of good reading!
As Neenie put it, stay strong! You're doing an amazing job judging by your blog. My thoughts are with you.
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